4 Reasons We Lose Friends (And How To Keep Them)

When we’re children, our friends are more important to us than anyone or anything.  I remember during the summer I would be with my friends from morning until night.  And, my main reason for going to school was so I could see my friends.  But, when we get older, our friends stop being the priority they used to be.

It’s not because we don’t need them anymore.  We need our friends when we’re older just as much as we did as children.  So, why is it that we lose friends when we get older and how can we go about holding on to them?  Below are 4 reasons we lose friends and how we can keep them.

You move away

You go off to different colleges.  You have to move clear across the country because that’s where your dream job takes you.  You get married and your spouse is in the military and moves around a lot.  People today don’t seem to stay as close to home as they used to.

But, that’s no reason why you can’t remain friends.  With the internet and social media, it’s easier than ever to stay in touch with friends.  Send emails, text, video chat…the ability to keep in touch is as close as your smart phone.  And, more than likely, it’s in your hand right now!

You’re married and have a family and your friend doesn’t

Even as teenagers our friends were put on the back burner whenever a boyfriend/girlfriend came into the picture.  It’s a rotten fact, but a fact nonetheless.  And, when we’re older, children also come into that picture and make it even more difficult to stay in touch.

Difficult, but not impossible.  Just because you have a significant other doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with your friends.  One of my best friends is married, I’m not, but I go to her house for happy hours or dinner on a regular basis and we often meet for lunch.  Even if children are involved, your friend might enjoy a trip to the park or going swimming with you even if he/she doesn’t have children.

You have an argument

When we were younger, we always got into arguments with our friends.  It was no big deal, just a part of our friendship.  And, we wouldn’t stay mad for long.  We’d see each other at school or the ice cream shop and forget all about it in no time.

As adults, our egos get in the way.  We don’t want to be the first to apologize.  WE weren’t wrong, THEY were!  So, why should I make the first move?  HELLO!  You’re an adult, so act like one!  Make a phone call.  Text and ask to meet them for coffee.  Talk about it like two reasonable people.  Even if you wind up not agreeing, it doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.  Our differences are what make us unique and interesting!

People change

This is true especially in our 20’s and it’s the leading cause of friendship death.  In our 20’s we’re not really sure of who we are, so we just kind of go with what feels right to us in the moment.  Then, as we get older, we begin to understand who we are, what we want from life, and who we want to surround yourself with.  Then, we make changes accordingly.  There is no one to blame.  It just happens.

But, it doesn’t have to mean the end to your friendship.  You still like to go to movies.  You still like to go out to eat.  You both still like football or golf or swimming.  Look for the things you both enjoy doing and keep doing them together.  Over time, you may just change again and find that you have even more in common than you originally thought!

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